Monday, June 1, 2009

Fast Forward: A Personal Odyssey

Note: This article was smuggled through the border of Communist northern California. It was written by HaRav HaGaon Reb Noam Chomsky Sheyichye, who is now a prisoner in the hands of San Francisco Communist rebels. G-d bless his tender soul, and may our prayers help deliver him from evil, speedily in our days. Amen.

Alas, I sit here broken hearted; I tried to bike, yet barely started. My friends, my flock, I cry out from the depths in despair. I sat upon the two wheeled throne of glory myself and tried to ride. I attempted to use Mendel's Bike to shed the layers which seem to sorround me constantly, clouding my mind and heart with their malignancy. I lasted for but a moment. You see, I had not the fortitude to tear through my own vanity. I was weak, and I committed a grave sin when I rode upon The Bike.

You ask how this can be. Your tears of shock are not surprising, as you have been led to believe that Mendel's Bike is the Savior for which the Jewish people have been waiting for thousands of years. I will say the following only once and one time only (for an interpretation of this doubled wording see the Book of Revelation chapter 6, verse 3): The followers of Shabbtai Tzvi are the ones who say that the Bike is the savior. They say this in order to blind your eyes from seeing the true savior, for if you see the true savior, you will finally be able to usher in that age when grapes will be the size of whales, and whales will have the taste of fetta cheese. The followers of Shabbtai Tzvi conceal the truth with their doubled edge sworded words. The true savior is yourself. Riding Mendel's Bike is not an end in an of itself, it is merely the channel through which you can find your true self. Finding your true self is the ultimate form of shedding your external layers, thereby filling the world with infinite light.

I made the mistake of riding the Bike for The Bike's sake, and the L-rd has smitten me down from my self annointed perch on high, and I now languish in a prison in San Francisco. I pray that when you ride The Bike, you do so with caution. I pray that you do so with Truth.

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